green cheeks

Christmas was.. surprisingly smooth. The family gathered and for once their was not the slightest ounce of tension. But i feel older as my young family gets their own mobile.

Night was at Andrews.

I felt more involved in his personal family life than i have in these past years, they discussed their problems openly in front of me and enquiring for my opinion, with his arms locked around my waist and from that point i knew that in saying, ‘I have a good feeling about this, about us’, i was right but that date that seemed so far away, we just made it but faltered and fell apart shortly after.

I really didn’t see this coming.

‘They’ say that the person that is by your side on New years will be there the whole year through and do i suppose it serves that i had no one there, well, not the person i wanted anyway and this year there is only me.

We both came home and those words just seemed to overflow from our mouths, like we couldn’t get them out fast enough.

We have stopped, we are no longer together as ‘we’ (Truthfully he) keep on hurting each other, need to grow up and stop being to spiteful, to appreciate (me). But i feel that beneath the surface i feel like you wish to ‘experience’ others?

You proved this to me in writing, ‘thinking of you’ but it wasn’t to me, ‘babe’ and not me you were addressing.

Am i the girl that just puts up with that.

I’m not even angry- You know this. You don’t even have to say sorry cause i already forgive you- You know this.

I don’t want anyone else but you seem to be encouraging me. If i do that’s your ticket to be over with it?

I hope we can come back to this.

No more knowing that i am yours and you are mine.

I agree. I do feel sorry for the little snowman inside the snow globe.

He looks so sad and alone. Stuck inside a world he cannot escape. I can empathise

Later on that very same day..

& so i know you hurt me and don’t feel worthy

You promise me we will try for this again

Stand by the fact that we have a future.

I’m so scared for the time before that. This grey area between now and then.

Please don’t change your mind and make my waiting be for nothing. Stay.

come back and ask .

Nothing is real till it’s gone